Nabasa mo na ba to?!

This isn't my favorite word...

2005-08-20T01:43:00.000+08:00

I never wanted to say goodbye only good night but what can I do now?

This really isn't my favorite word, I really wish everything would be the same again... I know this isn't the end of everything but I have learned to love these people wholeheartedly and should I say I already devoted my work to them especially to my Team Leader (Cheryl Diaz). When I first entered the team I keep on joking that I'll be the next top seller, and so it continued for quite some time but the it ended in a fast pace.

I was wrong. Was I? It is hard to accept but I had to face it... Goodbye, is just here in the air. Friends for keeps right? That's how we planned it to be, I found another family and it's here in SVI. I don't want to use this word with anybody... not with these people I have learned to love. Thank you for all the love and support, warmth in our friendship, and of course for making me feel I am important and wanting me to stay.

***********This goes to Che's Team, Livling,Frankie and my other friends here******************

am I about to cry?

2005-08-19T01:51:00.000+08:00

think about this... now my team leader is pitching for me. I really dont want to leave just yet. she is trying to get a sale for me today. I am very overwhelemed!!! tell me... how am I suppose to leave this place?

what a gloomy day... :(

2005-08-18T03:08:00.000+08:00

I really wanted to stay but I can't fight anymore... I already lost the battle... Maybe this wasn't good for me... Strength is already is drained and hope already faded... I already exerted every single bit of effort. Goodbye... I'm hoping they would remember me in every single way...

I dont know what will happen next...

2005-08-16T00:43:00.000+08:00

I'm not feeeling well today so I can't work, not that I'm feverish but I can't speak. I must've worn out my vocal chords. I'm on my final written warning now and of course termination culd be next... I just wish I could sill stay in the company for a few more months coz I value those people I'm working with right now. I have nothing against the current situation I m in for the moment but because maybe I am not meant to be here for quite some time. I do appreciate all the the learnings I got here may it be good or bad. Even so I still wanted to stay a little longer

my first 16$ sale! and still fighting

2005-08-11T21:45:00.000+08:00

I got my first $16 dollar sale and I'm very happy!!! I never offered something like that before. I need two more sales for this week hopefully I'll get it so I dont have to go to work during saturdays. I dont feel good today I feel sick right now I cough a lot and I just had a small fight with Frankie. Insecurities do occur to him. Its a good thing we have someone to cheer us up after all the pressure and everything.

no sale just yet but still fighting for my inspiration!!!

2005-08-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

I recovered two sales last week but now I am still fighting for three more this week as said by our qouta. I witnessed how my team mates wanted me to stay, it almost shed my heart into pieces seeing that they're really working hard for my sake also. It's already wednesday and I'm fighting my way out to get a sale if not for me, but for those people who wanted me to stay and I have learned to love. I'll fight while I still can...

sleeps with butterflies

2005-08-09T23:52:00.000+08:00

Airplanes
take you away again
Are you flying
above where we live
Then I look up
a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I’m not but
I like rivers that
rush in
so then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
for you the acrobat
I won’t push you
unless you have a net

You say the word
you know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don’t mind
I don’t hold on
to the tail of your kite
I’m not like the girls that you’ve known
But I believe I’m worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with Butterflies
with Butterflies
so go on and fly then
boy

Balloons
look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

I’m not like the girls that you’ve known
But I believe I’m worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with Butterflies
with Butterflies
with Butterflies
so go on and fly boy*

This is a song by Tori Amos (my favorite artist) This song describes me in a way. I am a butterfly in a way, the one that you'll be dreaming of even the one that you wanted to be with for a long time but Im not the type of girl that you'll be keeping the hard way I 'll die instantly out of suffocation. I can be serious but I don't want to be tied up, just like a real butterfly they are only good to look at but you can't keep them. So as to speak I am still a butterfly and I dont want to be kept yet... Not just yet. I can LOve a person no matter what just like a butterfly who loves flowers, you can catch me but my wings will soon fade out.

I forgot something else...

2005-08-03T01:23:00.000+08:00

Thank you Lord for telling me that I forgot one thing!!!

I now understand that inspiration means a lot, for quite sometime I ignored the meaning of it and I found myself just working for the benefit of me. How stupid I am to neglect the idea of working for someone, now I completely felt that I have enough reasons for other people.

If three weeks is long enough after all the worries I got, I now declare "THE BITCH IS BACK" Im going to make a sale for the sake of "ME" and for the sake of those people I call "INSPIRATION" I have one goos reason to keep up for all the things I forgot to remember...

LOrd please help me, I am not able to do it without you.. I still wanted to stay here and prove those people that they are now a part of me I wouldn't want to leave for now... I am begging you and even fervently asking to provide me the strength I need to face this battle. I am going to get a sale!!!!

upcoming age...the dreamy one...

2005-08-01T05:51:00.000+08:00

Here I am once again, it is the 1st of august and I'll be waiting for 3o days more to turn 21! I havent celebrated my birthday for quite some time now. The reason? I'll keep it a secret...

Of course I wouldn't be writing this stuff if I have nothing in my mind right now. I just want to share something...

When I was a kid I always wanted to have a big birthday cake full of lighted candles and pink balloons all over the place, party hats on my guests and of course numerous gifts. But then again time has changed. I don't want any parties but just something or someone to surprise me, I dont want any grand parties but simply someone to make me special on my birthday would mean a lot to me and be able to say "i remember your day because I'm thankful God gave you to us." I guess I haven't experienced it yet, but plain and simple when its your birthday all you do is eat and drink. Isn't it obvious celebrating birthdays just means throwing a party? I don't want a party... I want to chersih it and feel special.

of all the feeling

2005-07-27T00:31:00.000+08:00

how could something so good feel so bad in the end?

In this life... (describing how I feel)

2005-07-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

Let me show you what I'm made of
Good intentions are not enough
To get me through today and this life
You're in the bassement watching t.v.
I'm on the second floor watching the ceiling
We'll sleep underneath the same big sky at night
And dream the same dream we can fly

You can run from me
You can hide from me
But I am right beside you
In this life

Let me tell you who you really are
You're my comfort
You're not a superstar
I can reach up and bring you back down
To the ground
And give you everything you dream about

I'll give you all the things that I never get
Give you all I have and have no regrets
Take you to the places that I've never been
Forgive you of the things that you can't forget
Take awaythe pain with my healing hand
Wash away your sings and set your spirit free

*Let me show you what I'm made of*

Say goodbye

2005-07-25T21:34:00.000+08:00

We never wantedt to say goodbye t0 someone we have loved so much. If only we can say goodnight instead of goodbye then we wouldnt have to do so but look what's happening? NO matter how stupid it is to stay for one reason called love and reagardless of all the pain caused to you that you would normally curse the day you found out you've been wounded unconciously, still there is a so called thing "pain" for enduring that persons loss. I am now a victim, considering all my effort especially triumphs and endevours alone fighting selfishness on the end of the road I admit I am still in pain. In this life... hold me now while the world is still asleep!

leaving on a jet plane...

2005-07-20T03:05:00.000+08:00

"Coz Im leaving on a jet plane, I dont know when I'll be back again... oh babe I hate to go... Now the time has come to leave you, one more time let me kiss you, and close your eyes and I'll be on my way... Dream about the days to come when I dont have to leave alone."

I am now saying goodbye to being committed!!! As what it says in the line I do't know when I'll be back in being committed. For now I realized that some things are really meant to be hurting at the end the minute you wake up from the bare naked truth! How come I was able to surpass all these horrible things? I totally forgot how it feels to need someone at the end of the day or simply when there are times that you only need one person to comfort you... One fine night when I was totally enjoying the dilemma of taking the plunge or not, my tongue totally lost its control over someone I never thought would make me realize that I have deprived myself to be selfish just for once. My officemate once said I am not a relationship dependent, but what happens after a few days is that I 've been longing to have the normal feeling of being taken care of by someone who is near me!

It was a fun saturday night and its just me and "frankie" walking in the streets of emerald ave. at around 3:30 maybe, I'm beggining to feel sleepy so he decided to take a walk since I already drank two bottles of beer. Of course I don't have to explain who he is its obvious he's courting me and hanging out is just around the corner. Hey its saturday!!! I need a break! Knowing myself I have my own rules when it comes to some things and definitely there are only a few who can understand me easily. To make it short he asked what is it about being afraid of "commitment?" That time I already talked to my boyfriend of setting each other free for some reasons but I still have my eyes wide shut. I'm in a relationship with him for three long years and I haven't saw myself lately, how can I? We were in love haven't you heard? But then I noticed as we grow older things have changed when it comes to priority. I am now only his second best... I can't deny the fact that he really loves me but I also can't deny the fact that all he cares about is himself lately. Not that I don't understand what he is going through in fact I always have a room full of reasons for him but the thing is I am forgetting myself.

The minute I relay some things to "frankie" the reasons of me being afraid to commitment I suddenly felt my eyes wanting to cry realizing I dont want any of these anymore... In my heart i know I already did everything, it was like talking to myself in the mirror and saw that I have been wounded for a long time.

And so a love song is just a love song nevertheless something to cling on when the world gets rough. In a relationship just loving each other wouldn't suffice but understanding your partner's need is also important, I'm not saying that you should demand for something more but just being there when he/she needs you the most. Its a two way traffic that needs to studied. You might be in a long distance relationship yes, but make him/her feel you are there when you can especially when you have the opportunity to be with each other. Don't be too lax that they will always understand you anytime simply because you are confident that they will always do. Do you get what I mean?

Right now I am very much in need of all the attention I can get in a relationship and I'm really glad there are two people in my life right now who understands me and of course giving me what I have deprived myself long time ago. Thank you for loving and understanding me... Yogi and Frankie! I'm overwhelmed having you two in my life, just by spending quality time with me means a lot and of course for simply listening and even cheering me up for no reason at all. And most especially when I've been treking the road far enough I can always look back anytime because I know you are both there standing, to give support.

no updates yet....

2005-07-13T00:34:00.000+08:00

sorry if i haven't been writing for quite some time now, its just that im very busy with work. id rather sleep than check my mail or open my computer which i love to do all the time. well then folks il be missin all your violent reaction especially from my very very good friend RIVA, she's my walking contradiction and she's the only one who can decode my oblivious beliefs in seconds.... i really miss you dude!!! your'e one hell of a friend. hopefully i'll be able to write soon.

between letting go and reality

2005-06-08T20:27:00.000+08:00

why invest your feelings for someone you know you can't have at all. it is such a waste in the first place... consuming yourself of thinking every now and then of that person when in reality he/ she doesn't belong to you!!! it could only mean one thing for me perhaps, sour graping but it's really annoying to think that someone can't live outright just for that stupid reason of being indulgent over someone. i'll curse the fact that loving could in fact make you stupid.

My biggest dream and frustration...

2005-06-06T11:11:00.000+08:00

Yesterday Iwas able to go out and see the sun again, I accompanied my mom to have her haircut and of course as for me I wander around the mall and look for a prospective cellphone and luckily I found one motorolla E398. Yes!! I finally found the most useable phone for me but wheb I passed by a music store and saw something suddenly my world stumbles down. I saw a great looking violin. Yup a violin... it has always been my frustration. I can afford to buy one now but the problem is I can't afford the lesson. Where in the world am I gonna get 6,500 php a month? aaargggghhh..... I'm really dying to learn it and of course to have one but why should I buy one if I can't afford the lesson? Hopefully I'll find a cheaper lesson for that and of course to attain my biggest dream for me is something...

Thank you very much for remembering me this way...

2005-06-06T09:39:00.000+08:00

I have never thought that I'll be remembered this way, for such a long time I've always wanted those people whom I consider special never to forget me; may it be good or bad. But of course its my first time to be described wonderfully and I'm really honored to be so. I once told my friend cootiehead "Someday I want people to see me the other way around and of course if ever, hope I'll get a chance to read an article about me before I die. It should be an article that knows the real ME and how I stood up for my beliefs, that's how I wanted to be remembered. I have no intention of changing whatever personal conviction they have but at least I couldv'e make them realize some things."

Thank you for seeing me this way. I'm glad you finally absorbed my oblivious beliefs and of course at first this must've worn out your heart for quite sometime of understanding it. But then again I will always be here for you continuing to love you with the only way I know and of course wishing you the very best! Isn't it what love is suppose to be? Here's how the post goes...

*Tere... my one and only honey*

For some time now you may have noticed that this blog has been overwhelmed by posts bout my honey. But you have never known yet who she really is? To begin with, her name is Theresa or simply Tere. We've known each other for years (four years to be exact) but its just recent that I realized that I do love her. During the years that I’ve known her I’ve never thought that I’d go this far. In fact, she’s someone I’ve never expected to be a significant part of my life. I admit, that the moment I laid my eyes on her I immediately got a crush on her. She’s a looker, a head-turner, a real beauty to say the least and I know a lot of guys wouldn’t argue with me the moment they’ll see her. Some even say that she has a resemblance with Heart Evangelista. But she’s not only a beauty, she’s also got the brains. You’ll not only be captivated by her looks but also by what she says. Reason why, I love having conversations with her cause she’s got a lot of insights regarding different things in this world. In other words, there’s rarely a dull moment when im with her. Oh, by the way did I already mention that she’s sweet? She has this way of making you feel that you’re somebody special but most importantly she makes you really feel that you’re loved, that you know when the world turn its back on you, you still got her, ain’t that nice?She also changed my views on a number of things. I used to be this ideal and certain kind of guy but because of her I finally understand things that I don’t usually do. She opened my eyes that not all things could and should be understand by the mind cause some things are really meant for your heart’s understanding. She also made me see that some things are really possible like a girl courting up a guy, something that was quite new for me back then. After experiencing a number of heart breaks I never thought that a girl would eventually like me. The only problem was I’m already in a relationship that time. I was afraid to take risks back then reason why we didn’t end up being together. Right now, as much as I wanted it to, it’s still simply not possible because she’s the one in a relationship and I can see that she’s very much happy and contended with it. I guess there’s nothing wrong to continue to love her even if she’s still a relationship. I don’t have any plans of ruining their relationship because its also not my style. I’m just happy with what we are right now, though im still hoping that someday destiny would be too kind and let us be but if not its fine by me and I guess I have to live with it. I used to regret a lot of things between me and her. I regret that I was too late to realize that I also do love her. I regret of the times that passed by that I could spent with her and the list goes on and on ‘bout the things I regret. Now, I’m no longer living in regret cause she helped me understand that I shouldn’t be living such. She’s right cause why should I live in regret? We may not be a couple but that doesn’t mean we could no longer be together. In fact, I’m lucky and proud to have her in my life. I’m also happy that she loves as me and for what I am, I could be myself when I am around with her, I got nothing to more to hide, she knows a lot of things or almost everything ‘bout me and not everyone could do that.Tere would always and will forever be my one and only honey. Yes, for sure I’d meet a lot of other girls out there but no one could match her. Even if I ended up with somebody else she’d still be my honey because nobody else could do the things she does cause each person is different from the other. I may have other girls in my life but for sure there’d only be one honey for me.

no sale just yet...

2005-06-04T03:43:00.001+08:00

I'm really dying to have a sale right now. Lord help me!!! To all my friends in college I'm really dying to see even just one of you, I miss you a lot guys... I wanna see a movie with honey, I wanna have a long day talking to my TRIAD dudes and I wanna do a lot of crazy things with them, I wanna see my sisters by heart and spend some quality time with them I just hope Ruth will be just fine delivering the baby, i wanna see all those people close to me especially paulo I haven't watched any of his gigs, and most especially I wanna spend time with my love ones I havent got to see so much sun nowadays im a real busy person right now I just wish they are all healthy and worry free... I wanted to see my beloved bofriend of course we haven't seen each other for a while. I'm pretty sure you know what I'm feeling right now, maybe that's the reason why I can't concentrate. I need a break!!!

fascination with winged creatures

2005-06-02T22:01:00.000+08:00

when I was a little kid I always believe in angels I guess a lot of people does. right now I'm thinking what would I look like if I have wings? or am I a water sprite before? weird isn't it? I would love to see a wonderful painting of a winged creature. I'd be wishing to see one before my birthday. I wish I can draw well enough so I can have one. I'm wondering, are there any chances that I'll get a portrait of me with wings attached to my back? I'd be very happy to get one and of course I'll treasure it for the rest of my life... anyway just wishing.

damn boredom...

2005-06-02T02:43:00.000+08:00

this is excruciating!!! i cant get any good sale and the records are already worn out!!! someone to save me? or something to save me? I dont know...

Taking the plunge...

2005-06-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

Now that you said it dude, I'd be willing to take it because knowing that you are always with me then I have nothing to worry. I'm now inviting you "let's take the plunge!" take my hand and begin to show me what its like to be on the other side. If ever I fall please catch me, please dont let me hit the so called world of no turning back. Hold me close enough so I can still come back anytime with no further damage, I understand choosing to cross over the unfamiliar side wont guarantee any safety for whatever things might happen. I'll be looking forward of finding any satisfied answer for thinking such things, a good example is wanting to taste the unforbidden fruit.**** Such curiosity is killing and scaring me at the same time.

willingness to go!

2005-06-01T20:44:00.000+08:00

there are things in life that we really want to experience and there are people who are very much willing to make that experience memorable to you but the question is, are you willing to give it a shot especially if that kind of experience has to go against what is proper and what has been dictated by the society? if you are then show up, tell it to my face and i volunteer myself without any second thoughts, let me be that person to take you where your life has never been...as what someone has told me, "i never came man! i was there all along..." just let me be...8

against the millieu...

2005-06-01T02:42:00.000+08:00

What was it like to step on the other side? I want to try something that I haven't done before, I want something to indulge with I know it could twist and turn its results. It might be something to invest regrets. I'm really curious of what is it like on the other side of being proper. THE QUESTION IS who is willing to show me the forbidden side?

Another question. Is it worth taking the risk or is it better left slone? How hard it is to take the plunge especially if you can't trust yourself with someone you can't be sure to trust?

I miss my hommies!!!

2005-06-01T02:17:00.000+08:00

I miss you guys!!! I miss all the laughter we shared and even all the mischiefs. It is a lot different without you guys... there are times I really get to dream about our old times together at school. Thank you very much for meeting me halfway. I'm totally lost without you guys.

Cleaning out my closet

2005-05-31T22:34:00.000+08:00

MAy 30, 2005 as part of the family tradition we automatically pay tribute to our family memeber who passed away, this is what we call "30 days." My grandmother died a month ago,at first everything seems complicated but it turns out to be totally the opposite. Walls are broken ... this is what she always wanted and now its turning into its fast pace its funny how things try to hide at first and then reveal itself and then reveal itself to you in a most unexpected time. I remember one time when my aunt called me just to talk about some unneccessary things regarding the family she told me that the family's gonna fall apart if my grandmother will die someday and she is totally wrong because it didn't turn out to be what she had predicted.

Right now I'm already moving to her room and I noticed we had a lot in common. There is no excuse for me to say that I don't belong, well in fact it is evident that I am her grand daughter. We both love shoes, perfumes and clothes. Consider it vanity!Oh and she is very religous!!! (sad part I didn't get that trait I have FAITH but Im not religous) Its nice to know considering the history i have with my grandma were not that close or something, I never even felt that I was loved by her as her grandchild, I never saw her being proud of my achievements indeed I grew up with such numbness for her because I never felt anything special from her being the favorite is not an issue to me, I dont even care as long as I have respect for her then that's fine. When she reached silinity I noticed that she seeks for a lot of attention, she used to live with my aunt before but unfortunately she already died a few years ago so my grandma lives with us.

Counting those crucial years before I never heard her worry about us, all she cares about is her other kids which makes my father feel unwanted in a way, but who could've understand a mother's belief it's the saying "mother's knows best" (so should I curse that saying?) Whatever it is she is still the mom of the family I wouldn't be here if not for my parents and my dad wouldn't be here if not for her. I finally realized all the things she wanted to happen, not too late for me but why does it have to happen on such a short notice. If I knew it all along then I wouldn't have to hate her for some reasons. In the first place why should she think of us when in fact we are the sturdy ones in the family, why should she support me in the first place if she knew that I can get lots of it by other people compared to my conceited cousin. On a regular basis she really did her part well for being a mother to all us!

Its sad that I only realized it on the day I came face to face with her on her casket. I didn't cry, not because I still have any bitterness on my part but because before she died we didn't have any hang ups and Im pretty sure she can say to anyone up there that I've been a good grand daughter to her and I already proved it, I did my part well enough.

I must admit realizing these things makes me miss her a lot. I'll never forget the day I was rushed to the hospital when I was near death she's not feeling well that day but its the first time I saw her get worried for me. With her death I realized how strong I am, this is what I've become and this is where I'm gonna start.

*in memory of my grandmother*

what's with the dream?

2005-05-28T01:28:00.000+08:00

wednesday afternoon i got the weirdest and unusual dream of my life... a hostage of aggressiveness and mind set or probably a proof of what is existing.

we can classify it in so many ways: the sweetest dream, the worst dream, the funiest dream and weirdest that you can have. as for me its really unusual to discuss but the moment i woke up i was really smiling and of course bewildered. it must've been the deepest work of subconcious mind or probably a thing that is not too far for a reaching event or plain and simple a DREAM.
whatever it is, still what's in a dream? it's terribly the funniest i ever had as far as i can remember.

frustrations seeking in...

2005-05-27T04:37:00.000+08:00

Right now im here in my station fighting for the existing sale that i could probably get. This scenario has been sipping the very last drop of every persistence that i have inside me. There are a lot of factors that could affect every inch of hardwork 1.) pressure of being left behind because your not getting any sale 2.) you are loosing patience to answer a lot of rebuttalls to these damn hard headed customer 3.) you are aiming to have a good sale as early as possible.

I understand that in this lifetime there is what we call trials, Im pretty sure we all encountered hundreds of it every second, every minute, every hour, and every day! I know I am a hasty one I really dont know if I am not born with gifted patience. Maybe Iam just too lax but how come Im beggining to feel I have done everything or maybe that best that I could for these descriminating american clients of ours. Now that the terrible RAP system is in I really dont know how am I able to endure all of these anymore... whew!! talk about pressure. This system that I'm talking about is of course time consuming and knowing the American culture everything is in fast phase so what do you get in the end "client hang up" BULL SHIT!!! After all the talking and you only get to be hanged up!!! These m****fu***n clients of ours are even nasty when you loose their patience!!!

But anyway the good thing about doing outgoing calls is that you get to practice a lot in speaking and its just like as easy as one, two, three... What I lke most about working at night is that you dont have a lot of people to travel with, there's no way that you'll feel any heat coming from everywhere because its during the night and most especially you don't get to be burned by the sun since you go to work without it (hello 5am). Anyway eventhough frustrations do seek in I got a sale last thursday for 39$ and I also got one today at the end of the shift with the RAP system on it.

4th irony of life... Wanting something/ someone you know you can't have?

2005-05-13T13:56:00.000+08:00

This morning I get to talk about it with Yogi and into my surprise he blurted this out and wondered what triggers him to say this. To a point you can say yes instantly that wanting someone/something you know you can't have is clearly vague for several reasons. Here's my answer to that as requested...

If you ask God for something he only answer in three ways : a.) Yes b.) No c.) Not this time I'm sure each and everyone of us is aware of it. My question is how did you know that you can't have what you want when God can't answer you directly when all you have to do is wait? Do I sense the word giving up on your part? I think you are not that type... maybe you are just not that patient when it comes to some things. I believe when God says NO you'll realize it when you already died that the thing you wanted is really not for you, if you haven't left this world yet then there are chances of having it in the end, though we only don't know how long we can have it in our hands. Let me ask... how much FAITH do you have? If believing that destiny takes over the lives of each and everyone of us then I guess I have explained my part well.

This wouldn't be possible without janice!!! Thank you very much!!! Luv you girl!!!

2005-05-12T15:38:00.000+08:00

Thank you very much girl for this wonderful template you arranged for me!!! I'm very happy of what I have right now. (isn't it obvious sobra ganda na ng blog ko? for me this is already the most organized one I got and I'm very proud of it!!!)

Janice is one of my wonderful batchmate in SVI and I'm very proud of having them!!!

Dunke Yogi!!!

2005-05-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

I just woke up this afternoon by a call from Agent call center and I really don't have any idea where they got my number?!! See... I got two job offers now which means unemployment is impossible in this country not that I'm boasting or someting but I'm really glad what other people say is not true.

Enough of the talk well, first and foremost I've been thinking a lot though it doesn't look like I am... I've been thinking these past few days what I wanted to do, and luckily I found a good answer to it though I'm not really sure if its gonna stay for long. I'm beginning to feel that I always have the need to write. Yes!!! Writing. The thing is that I got a very open minded reader and that's YOGI BEAR. Definitely it is not his real name, but I'm really fond of calling him that way.

I get this feeling of writing every now and then because I know that when he gets to read it we get to talk about it later and discuss some things that ables me to write a lot because I found something interesting from him. A point of comparisson from a man's tough beliefs, its quite fascinating how I got him interested in reading my oblivious thoughts. Not all people who gets to read this blog would be able to approach me and talk about something and discuss what they want, exactly the reason why only a few people know about this because I'm pretty sure they wont understand some things. I mean there are only a few who gets to absorb what I'm saying and he's the third person I know who did. Honestly I'm not really sure if I write sense out of it. This is the only place I can expalin myself from my screaming mind, the space I can call a palace in where nobody can be a mere objection but just me because I am the one ruling it. In this space I took off my shoes and mask at the same time there is no room for secrets; I bear everything and that's it.

Well there goes the feeling... "if there's one person who believes in you then you shouldn't stop from doing so." I might as well take this chance of thanking you "yogi" I'm really glad we met and for enjoying reading my post. Thank you very much!!!

The 3 ironies of life?

2005-05-08T14:13:00.000+08:00

Lets put it this way, it is a given fact that we are created by God with complete ignorance, thus we have the power to choose by the choices we are given and yet there is still what we call destiny in where everything can be decided with split seconds. Now my question is... can you tell me honestly how happy you are right now? In the first place what makes a man completely happy? LOVE could be a possible answer to that since it control most of us in a very uncertain way that not even a scientist can answer how Romeo and Juliet fell in love, then lets digest the fact of being in love. No physics, no calculus, no chemistry, no language and no certain explanaton can subtract its occurrence in every human heart; the other day you were just looking at someone and the next day you found yourself caring for this person. Questionable right? Now where can you consider yourself with these three questions... are you LOving the right person at the wrong time? Or Being with the right person when the time is right? Much worse is Realizing that the person is right when he walks out of your life?

To tell you frankly even I don't know what to say when I encountered these three words. It struck me just as it struck my friends. I totally agree that we are just so called toys by the puppet master named destiny. Our hearts are made weak not even resistant to illnesses or what I call heart poisoning. I know some people who always hold back due to some circumstances in order to neglect the fact that they are falling in love but I'm still glad not all us share the same FATE. If you finally give up and lost hope there is still one great ally for your boat to be saved the only thing is that is it really on your side? You might end up drowning and lost for breath but you must've found yourself happy in drowning. The irony of it all is when will be the time that "youv'e finally found someone?" and there goes the saying the first person you'll find every morning next to you sleeping and the last person you'll see whose eyes are gazing right into yours. Confusing in fact that you can say that to yourself a hundred times to a hundred people you've met, if loving you now is a wrong time then would tomorrow be a good time to be with you, but what if we realized there will be no tomorrow for both of us?

Now HONESTLY TELL ME, when might be a good time to fall in love? If not today, could it be tomorrow?

My driving motivaton as of now...

2005-04-30T01:08:00.000+08:00

I like him a lot but I shouldn't. The reason... I'll keep it a secret! I can live without him, I can breathe without him but I do dream about him! How I wish he is always near me so that I could see him close enough, close enough to touch his overwhelming face but I couldn't. A mere glimpse will do but maybe, just maybe I could somehow take a closer look... will there be a chance of knowing how wonderful he is. He might not know I exist but somehow I wanted to be noticed by him by any chance

Again as what my friend told me once... "ang mainlove talo!"

it sucks to have braces!!!

2005-04-21T14:17:00.000+08:00

I already started with my training and believe me it sucks! Why? Because I already have speech defect in p and f! Its a bit tiring to know that I am already training and realized that pleasing these Americans is what I hate most, but anyway never mind... I'll be looking forward to earn as early as I can and as much as I can. One good thing about the night shift is that you get to walk on the streets without any worries, even if you shout at the top of your lungs no one would bother to say shut up!!! All you can hear is the city clock changing from time to time.

I think I'm falling? Nah... too bad I only think of it as something weird

2005-04-18T10:05:00.000+08:00

I have this sudden feeling of remembering this guy every now and then and it seems that I can't get him out of my system. He is not that special to me but indeed he is someone I liked a lot(before)! The thing is that why can't I get him out of my mind?

There is a possibility that I miss him. But how could that be well in fact we haven't been together for a long time?He has this certain sensititvity, such rarity can be found among men and believe me he is such an adorable person and funny too! You might be wondering why we didn't agree at one point. Its simple he is also the certain type but... the player look alike then, I am the risky type but just a thrill seeker. Not a good combination right? I mean I am in a relationship of course and I have no intention of breaking up with him only that sometimes there comes a time in your life when you look for companionship-- (exactly what lacks in the kind of relationship I am in now long distance relationship.) Its not that I'm not happy about it but sometimes I do envy other people who enjoy being with their man even when they're fighting. Can't I experience any of it for once? But never mind all of it I know at one point I am indeed unfair and I'm pretty sure he noticed what I only wanted to happen, I only wanted to date with him and find out if we'll fell in love but I really don't want him to be my boyfriend in the first place and in other words "GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN". I must admit I'm after the thrill of dating a guy like him but not keeping him as a boyfriend since we dont share the same lifestyle, he is a party goer and the the luxurious eater type and I am the cozy one who wanted to have a lot of quality time together at home and get to know more of each other.

Selfishness do seek in to me and I can't help it. But what if we really did take the plunge? Is it worth the effort of risking it all? Could I really fell in love with him or just like him for the rest of my life? Damn!!!!!

But anyway I just really wanted to see him again that's all!

Urban Legends in Employment: A redefinition

2005-04-14T19:44:00.000+08:00

What the hell is going on?!!!! Pu******A!!! Who ever said that looking for a job is like hell!!!? Huh?! Face me and I shall strangle you with my bear hands!!!! Now look what you've done... I won't be able to enjoy what I'm suppose to enjoy as a fresh college graduate! Come on!!! Because of fear I hurried all the way to the so called employment world with nerve cracking ideas that it would be damn hard just like death to find a good job! Damn it!!! I'm mad and definitely angry of giving myself the fear of being unemployed for the rest of my life, I blame everyone else for giving me the thought that only those who belong to the elite school can have a good job. If that's the case then the country should close all the other schools for the situation that every one else is buried with the damn hearsay that "you wont be accepted because those people who belong here and there were highly favored than you are." And yeah before I forgot something the same line also goes like this " as of these times it's whom you know not what you know." BULLSHIT!!!!!!! Curse you people!!!!!

Now, how can you explain that in the newspapers classified ads there are a lot of jobs posted and how come it stayed there for quite sometime to say that employment nowadays is hell crazy!!!

Call center, may I remind you is not what you think! They have this very high standard for their employee, and that is a good communicating skill unlike in regular offices. I consider myself to be employed in a call center and mind you its standards were sky high!!! In a few weeks from now I'll be enduring my good night sleep to night shift. Saya noh?! But anyway at least I proved it all wrong so next time someone tells me something about work I'll smash his/her mouth and tell them "Shut up! Just because you don't get yourself a job it doesn't mean the same thing will happen to me just because I belong in Adamson University, the school that never gets a basketball championship? Dream on!!" I remember one time my boss told me in my practicum that " nowadays its a hard to find a job and there are so many graduates and only a few could get one," and by that he wanted me to join his company which is very far from my home and all I could get for my salary is minimum wage (welcome to club mini) and thinking that I may be one of the unfortunate ones who will spend the rest of their lives working in Fast food restaurants... instead of working there I might as well get the offer (advertising assistant and work my ass out) whew! Well to top it all, its true that millions graduate every year and only a few could get a job after graduation and I'm one of them (thank you Lord for telling me that I shouldn't be afraid) there are a lot of jobs out there but only a few were qualified. I'm not saying this to boast or anything but its time to wake up from the deep slumber that we Filipinos cling on.

According to my professor Mr. Manuel Tan "its not necessary to enroll in a 4 year course well in fact you have no capacity to be so." It may be hurting to think but it's true! Sometimes these beliefs could kill one person all at the same time, having a diploma of a four year course wouldn't save you from poverty if you can't make it to make yourself a little higher when it comes to standards and even morale. Going abroad is not the answer but taking yourself to a higher level of standards would be just fine. If my good friend Riva will be the next President of the Philippines I'm pretty sure I wont have any worries, because I'm pretty sure vocational courses won't be that low for a common Filipino but instead there is an option. Filipinos are highly skillful if only my countrymen would take notice of these talents then good bye POVERTY hello 1ST WORLD Mr. Tan would be very happy to see that such views would be change that a 4 year course diploma will solve everything. Education is surely not deprived but I think you should find yourself first to know where you excel, why enroll in AB English course when you can't even speak simple english?

I'm really glad God send me messages that I shouldn't be afraid to enter the world and be confident that I can make it. He used my brother as an instrument and here I am.

Questions for my dying day...

2005-04-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

If I lost my sight will you give me eyes?
If I lost my taste will you give me tongue?
If I lost my touch will you give me hands?
If I can't smell will you give me nose?
If I lost my hearing will you give me ears?

How far can you go if I am already near death?
How long can you take if I am already ill?
How much more tears can you shed if I am in pain?
How many times can you wake up in the middle of the night just to give me medicine?
Will you still love me if I'm good as dead?

If I lost my heart will you give it back for me?

*If you ask me this I'll answer you one thing -- "I can even beguile the demon just to see you smile before you leave I may not have the power to let you live but I guess I have the power to make you happy before you left me for I love you with all my heart and soul. I believe you are given to me by God and only HIM can take you away from me and it will always stay the same until my dying day..."*

If love is an accident waiting to happen then could it also be a curse wanting to occur?

untentional false hopes!!!

2005-03-16T16:30:00.000+08:00

''there are things that aren't suppose to happen or rather occur but again choices are not of service to us but rather we are made of service to unexpected choices."

by just saying that, for sure things are now beginning to come into your risky mind that somehow you have just delivered false hopes to someone...not just anybody else...but to someone of so much importance to you.

being in a situation like that would definitely make one think and ask: what is it really about me? there must really be that something. in one's case, that something is unidentifiable and i do understand (that's what i always do). when it comes to feelings, as much as possible, i don't want to interfere! in the first place, what do i really know abour your feelings? for other people who doesn't even know what the heck is goin' on they would definitely think that you are someone who doesn't care! caring has always been in your system the reason why you can't afford to hurt someone but by simply doing so, you're unconsciously hurting him by giving him that little glimmer of hope brought about by your actions and you're out to tell the whole world (if you can) "that's not what i meant" again i do understand. of course there came a point that you really wanted to end this all up but it's not that easy but how could you give another start if you don't know how to end it? and ending doesn't mean that you also stop loving him but ending to stop hurting him. i might sound so crazy and stupid but if it's the proper thing to do then do it!!!

the world is really paradoxical: we need to do down to be able to go up; we need to be separated to be together; we need to live with the past to live with the present and the future; and most of all, we need to let go to let it all in...8

Having Lui in my life... how could north meet south?

2005-03-13T13:15:00.000+08:00

I have been loving this special guy for quite some time now and for me I'm happy in loving him with the only way I know. I don't love him as a friend or as a brother, but I love him as him and this doesn't mean I am a two timer just like a lot of people will claim. Again, I follow no rules except mine I am not the ideal type of person but nonetheless naturally stubborn with my beliefs. There are things that aren't suppose to happen or rather occur but again choices are not of service to us but rather we are made of sevice to unexpected choices.

He is such a sweet guy and a lot of girls will surely agree with me, loving and definitely has a way to make you burst into laughter. What I like most about him is his delicate hands and I love the way they are, they speak of his personality (subtle, caring, sensitive and wonderful inside and out) 4 years is not a joke. Practically these significant years is a gift, why? Because I met him. There is no place for regrets nor fault in loving him but instead a mere blessing.

Its clear we didn't end up being together when we younger then(when Im still free) and until now; but I never stopped loving Lui. Why should I? For me, if you found another person to love it doesn't mean you'll stop loving the other one. Quite complicated but its not! All it takes is a matter of understanding not in your mind but in your heart. I wouldn't deny the fact that its hurting for me to hear that I am only a friend to him but I can live with it. All I care about is that I am very much contented with what I'm feeling towards him nothing more nothing less.

Surprisingly everything turns around, and I am not even prepared of what's in store for me. He finally found his heart to me and hearing it makes me worried, very much worried. I am not worried because I am in a relationship right now but I am worried because I can't bear the idea of hurting him. I am known to be the "RISKY" person and knowing him for quite sometime he is the "CERTAIN" type. We are poles apart! How could north meet south? Maybe, it really is my fault of showering him too much affection, but how could I not be? He is special indeed and I am the type of person who avoids to hide feelings. I hold hands with him, hug him if I wanted to and even call him "honey" without any malice because there is nothing wr0ng of just being yourself. Why force to stop yourself well in fact you couldn't? Justification on your part is obviously vague! I just hope that somehow what we agreed wouldnt be that hard fo him. I am not entitled to respond to his hearts call because by doing so I may give him something more unbearable, all I could wish is that for him to understand what I'm doing right now for both of us. Its not the sacrificial way but the truthful way. I already lay my cards on the table and nothing more is left for me to hide.

You might be wondering how could I love two people at the same time? Simple, I love Lui in a very different way and I love my boyfriend in a different way too. Loving another person while you are in a relationship doesn't mean you wanted him to be your boyfriend, a 100% of your heart is not entitled for only a few people but you can give 100% of love to any people - each and everyone of them.

I wrote this because I wanted people to know who Lui is and how beautiful it is to have him, I can still recall the exact words he said in our Psychology class when we were still in our 1st year (college) the question is... "when you die, how do you want people to remember you?" and he answered "I want to be remembered as someone who brought a smile to their face."

Now, do I need to explain further?

Love Abomination?

2005-03-03T14:49:00.000+08:00

Well, this goes to my dear friend who finally found her heart but too late for the whole world. Why did I say it? Because there is nothing she can do now but just weep for her misfortune in love.

It all started with one precious mistake then everything started to stumble down, she lost the only person whom she have loved all her life. Sometimes destruction itself nears you and even hide in a sheeps clothing to fool you with happiness and dreamy life but it all turns out to be your immortal appendage. Should I say a lifetime destruction of what you ought to have? Now now... as a friend I am very much worried about her and about her situation, highly affected that is. You might say why not help her? But the thing is there really is no other way out unless for her situation only God knows what could possibly happen. If forgiveness is ought to happen anytime in her supposedly happy lifetime then so be it.

If cursing the fact that we are human to kill despair, then she will be the first one to do it. But its no help at all! Purely a divine prodigy for all of us is here to bring timeless fashion of PAIN. Timeless in a way that it chooses no time, weather, or even seconds. It strikes you to the core and strangle you until you yourself wishes for death itself to fetch you.

Forgive me for such words but I think this is the most appropriate description of expressing such feeling and at the same time describing how excruciating it is for her.

If consuming my time with this is purely sympathy its not. I am bewildered with the thought of such imperfections that man is not aware of. Clearly we live our lives with just total ignorance. Tsk tsk... if only a slap in a face could end every pain and stupidity each and everyones goal is to beguile the demon. Hang your head and begin to trek the unwinding road of purgatory... rest yourself in the flushing boat of river styx and climb everest just to bring justification on your part.

This is the only help I can give to my friend, write her story. Most people know me for my wit in treacherous situations but this one really gets me. I have found the perfect "no turning back" situation or more likely an execution of oneself and yet I can't say anything to her but just "weep for you have no choice." More likely or so I can only give her hope and just that. I cannot end this one yet, as Ive said there is still hope.

(To you! you can have my word and I promise to write your tragedy in due time. You may not be able to read this or the one I'll be writing in the future but I know at least this could lessen the burden.)

A needed Catharsis

2005-02-18T15:31:00.000+08:00

Come on! This word has something to do with releasing tension or whatsoever. I have to admit, I have this instance of forgeting everything with just a matter of one mistake and I'm quite sure I've done it several times since the day I've known the term "friendship."

If its pride according to my friend, then it isn't! Absolutely the opposite. I have no intention of telling that persom what to do since I am not obliged to do so and therefore I am the one whom they have wronged. But according to my friend again "what if the didnt know if they have wronged you?" Then I answered simply "it's not my problem anymore."

Hard headed to many but for me it's one way of staying true to yourself and to your principles. I am not going to say " I'm ok" if I don't feel right. Blunt? Yes, and even tact! I wont compromise for any reason of being nice. Hear me out! I've been nice to those people since the day I have loved them and welcomed them in my life, the moment I trusted a person I already gave up all my trust. If some think I'm always on top and never that easy to reach then they are definitely wrong. Think again before saying anything.

Sometimes why does it always have to feel unfair for me, since everyone is judging me in everything they see and yet it feels like I am not entitled to do so. According to one of my good professor (since she's been good at decoding a lot of things) said "don't expect her to go with your culture since she's not following any culture" (she is talking to my friend referring to me) and she is right! There are times that I really don't want to talk about things and there are times that I just want to ignore it for the sake of forgetting it, but there are times that I just want to listen to give it a try.

As I've said in my previous post its been hard for some people to understand me, that is one reason why I'd rather keep everything to myself. Of course the usual reaction is "bakit kasi di mo subukang sabihin?" and my answer to that "my thoughts and my beliefs are never easy to understand since it follows no rules." One good thing of being a part of the IS is that you can say what you want and you can do what you want without even spoiling everything, and most importantly is that none of you will feel disregarded. You can act the way you wanted and you dont have to stop and think before you leave. Man! How I wish I could turn back the hands of time.

My train Trauma...

2005-02-08T21:22:00.000+08:00

Last January 18, 2005 I started to wake up as early as 5am and mind you it's tough!!! After doing what I have to do(take a bath and so fort) my calvary started when I left the house. I have to travel all the way to Sucat,Parañaque. Whew! Tough isn't it? The easiest way I know to get there is to take MRT from North Ave. to Ayala. Better way than taking a bus even though the station is jam packed, the moment you get there you'll see a pile of people lining up just to reach upstairs. Frankly speaking I'm afraid of too much crowd because I have this very weak resistance when mob comes in, I don't know how to fight a very tight situation such as (makipagsiksikan) it really scares me to death that I'll found myself lying on the floor asking f0r help and everyone's busy trying to outsmart other passengers to get a seat. Funny? Definitely yes! Why is it hard for other Filipino's to give way? I know everyone is in a hurry that's why we all took the train instead of taking the bus, but why do they have to push themselves when the passenger just right in front of them is just about to step inside the train? Hala! Talk about greed.

This situation really taught me a lot, especially how to fight your fear. My experience every morning really gives me the strenght of surpassing a handful of beastlike passengers. Usually when I got into the station I also noticed that some people tries to squeeze themselves in as if there will be no train after 5 minutes. Damn! I really hate it. I noticed something good inside the train, there is what I believe equality in both sexes. Why? Because whether you are a woman it doesn't mean that men should give their seats to you. Rude in a way but it only turns out to be rude because it is the old belief that men should be kind enough to offer a lady his seat which is terribly BULL SHIT! Its time for us to think that we should be equal by any means, lets take it this way if your'e not lucky enough to get a seat then better try your luck next time anyway we are all human in or outside the train men also get tired standing all the time the only things is that women wear high heeled shoes and men doesn't toady's fashion suggest that "shoes may look painful to wear, but hey if it looks good on you never mind your feet shout for profanity!"

All in all I already overcomed one of my greatest fears and it is the fear for crowd. At last I finished my practicum last saturday and I had enough of those 3-4 hours of sleep and wake up early just to get there by 8am.

NO comment!!!

2005-02-01T22:21:00.000+08:00

Am I making any sense or what? It seems like no one is been reading my post. Oh well guess that's what life is all about... you can never really get money in journalism. hehehe....

I've been to the Red LAnd and back part 2! cont...

2005-01-23T11:35:00.000+08:00

To continue the story after we all went inside we still wanted to watch some TV. Droupie is the first one to go to bed, (man he is such a sleepy head) then I'm next and after me Audie last is Danica. To tell you the truth the two(Danica & Audie were very fascinated watching a movie by Lorna Tolentino and Christopher de Leon I'm not sure of the title anymore but it is a certified local of"unfaithful" only dumber)And so everyone went to sleep and we have to wake up early it is sunday and we agreed of buying our tickets first before going to Brent school (droupie's dream school) and to other places but inot our surprise Lanz is going to the apartment to fetch us in order for us to watch the "Hundred Night Show" since Droupie and I forgot our ID's. We change our plans and so we cant go to Brent anymore (too bad...) and so after we all had our lunch we headed to PMA and watched the parade after that Danica and I toured the first timers and we had so much fun!

At around 7pm we were invited inside the "Multi Purpose HAll" of the institution (mind you were all starving to death at that time) the program ended at exactly 11pm. We all rode the bus, none of us spoke a word for we are all hungry our energies already left us 3 hours ago. And so when we reached to city we rushed to the nearest ATM to withdraw cash and went to look for something to eat. We all agreed to eat at chowking session road since the other chowking near Marlon's billards is closed we all have to go back there again.

After our sumptuos dinner we alll headed to MArlon's billiards. Danica and Audie played but Droupie and I decided to drink beer instead (i ordered Colt 45 and droupie ordered for Red horse) since we already forgot how to play. It was very nice to stay there and even though were just watching we enjoyed watching them, besides the game is even. We finished at around 2am.

The adventure hasn't stopped yet we walked and walked everywhere we wanted take pictures and footages, then Audie decided to drink beer (which she seldom do) we bought Colt ice at 7 eleven session road and took the cab for a change.

When we got home we all drank our beers and as usual Mr. Sleepyhead was the first to go upstairs(obviously we already have 2 beers and they only have one) when the three of us were just talking we heard a a very loud cracking noise. We were alarmed and hurriedly went upstairs to see, Droupie is holding the window shocked, it is broken into pieces. But gladly nothing happend to him, he expalined that he was just closing it without any force used on it when it suddenly cracked. No one is to blame and I said "ok lang un droupz tulog kana" then the three of us went downstairs to finish our beers, then after I finished mine I went upstairs followed by the two.

Next morning we cleaned up the place and left. We all got in the bus and still very happy with our adventure, Droupie was still worried about the window he broke and we were just laughing. This is the best trip I ever hAd!!!!!!

Thank you Lord for sending the Aussies!!!!

2005-01-21T15:20:00.000+08:00

This morning on my way to school the vehicle that I'm in is tuned in to an AM station (DZBB I guess) And I heard a good news the Australian Government is here to help the country when it comes to education and theyr'e going to start in the mindanao region. They'll spending millions of dollars just to build thousands of schools around the country and will offer quality education. Mind you its not for the rich but for the poor people! Now, how good is that? I'm beggining to think that our country is not that unfortunate after all. Even though Australia is just recovering from the wrath that they experienced from the latest destruction caused by TSUNAMI still they are able to help Philippines. Mr. Mc Donald told the station that the country needs help more than anything else that's why they are extending it to us.

I'm very happy that poor children may now have the chance to study and be educated to the fullest!!! Now, pretty sure that I'm not the only one in this world who wanted to help my unfortunate country nonetheless Australia is here to help.

How come FRIENDS treat you badly?

2005-01-19T15:43:00.001+08:00

I forgot my journal today and so I have to write it here. As usual I'll die instantly if this thought never comes out to any of my senses, its like cancer that tends to spread out if it's not treated. Cootiehead knows me well when it comes to this kind of situation in fact we are the same.

LAst night I said to her, "sana forever tayo magkaibigan kasi tayo tayo lang nakakaunawa sa isa't isa... we never miss to understand each others oblivious thoughts" and she said "oo nga eh... no prob basta lagi lang tayo may contact sa isa't isa." And so the heck it is!!

The problem now is that some of your CLOSEST FRIENDS even turns out to be your CLOSEST ENEMY. Why? Because there comes a time that when you need each other you can't count on them. I'm not counting all the help they can get from me, it's just that at least they could show me a little respect and consideration since I have all the work to do. I can describe myself as someone who is responsible enough for my duties and even well arrange. I list all the things I should do and even take simple meetings an appointment because after the accident I got last year I tend to forget a lot of important details luckily I can manage it this way. So I was always teased by my OWN friend which is however normal for her attitude though sometimes I'm beginning to think " Am I being to sensitive or is she being too unsensitive?" There is not much to tackle on this because we all know there is what we call "difference" existing in every relationship but the point is how can you tell them what you feel when in fact they don't even have the capacity to understand you. (if that is the proper metaphor for describing such insensitivity.)

Now there goes the saying " ikaw na gumawa siya pa may karapatan magalit." Ang saya noh?

Have you been to God's Shoe?

2004-12-31T17:01:00.000+08:00

I myself haven't heard of it before but now I understand it a lot better. There is a saying "put yourself in others shoe." Now isn't that right? But have you ever thought why we should put ourselves in other's shoe? Or preferrably in God's shoe?

What the heck I'm talking about? Now think. God created us because he loves us so much, we are billions or even trillion and to think that is so much of a burden to love different kinds of people. Have you ever loved someone so much? If yes then you'll understand me perfectly! I'm not only refering to your personal relationship but all kinds of relationship you could imagine, all the love you can give at different kinds and levels. Sometimes the person we love tends to makes us feel that they only wants to see us if they need us or they tend to forget us if they are happy but they need you when they're in pain, of course our tendency is to get hurt. Now imagine, how God feels? Loving one person is already painful its true that when you love be prepared to get hurt as what my mom always tell me when I was little and right now I can testify for its effectiveness.

It hurts to love and by loving I learned how God feels and it is billion times painful. I realized how much we have wronged our creator; he never left us in times of need instead he always understand us and comfort us. It took me a long time to feel what he feels, I've been numb of happiness for all these times and I forgot how to reach out to him. I wonder if God cries when he feels unwanted by his beloved daughters and son? Right now I can't cry because I understand the one I love but I've been dying to cry out loud and by doing it only means that its not in your heart to understand that person.

Let me ask you, have you been to God's shoe? If you already loved someone so much then you've been there!

I've been to the Red Land and Back... Part II

2004-12-26T16:24:00.000+08:00

This is the craziest time of my life!!! Believe me! This time I'm not alone I brought along my good friends namely... Audie and Droupie. The trip wasn't possible if not for my dearest boyfriend, he invited them and even paid for their fare (back and fort). Simply heartwarming :) Not only that Danica came along (my bf's sister) how I wish to get along with her, not that I don't like her but the family is too shy to mingle; its like we've known each other for almost three years and she is still the typical shy girl next door only with severe tantrums (be careful you might get one from her). Problems start to crawl up because I'm with my friends who is undeniably wacky and fun loving while were going to slow down because of Danica's intimidating shyness.

We left at exactly 10:30 pm( we almost missed the bus because its christmas season a lot of people are going home and the conductor even forgot to call our trip, whew! Luckily I was able to ask) Friday Dec. 17, 2004 Victory liner,Cubao. This time I should act as the team leader, much worse an elder sister... I use to be the kid in a group and now this. Whoa! At frst it was tough I can feel my nerves cracking every string of it but thank God! I was saved because of Audie! Let me tell you why... The three of us were very excited to go there (since it was their first time to go to baguio and its my first time to be with my friends) together so we brought along our stuff such as video camera, tripod and so on to make our trip worth remembering. Audie pull out her video cam and take our first footage, would you believe that Danica's mood suddenly switched? She turned into an extrovert?!! Its awesome!!! And from then on all started well. Droupie was anxious the whole trip he never took hi eyes off the road, and even spilled "taho" on our first stop over in a newly swept floor near Rica Paralejo's picture and we were laughing out loud! (Siesta in Tarlac)

We arrived at exactly 4:00 am in front of Baguio General Hospital and it was hell freezing!!! We take the cab and on our way to camp 8, we were happy and excited of course I get the excitement thrice since I'm going to see my boyfriend again. When we get there the three of us took our first picture and went to sleep. Mind you, Audie never let me sleep while were on our way and its killing me! The next morning around 7 or 8 something droupie was already awake and even said "Tere gising na..." I answered back "Droupz pwede pa matulog eh..." Of course he is really excited and he is said it would be better since the rest of the people inside the apartment are already awake (Danica is an early bird! Never mind the three of us.) And so I asked him to take a bath first to be followed by me coz I still have to wake up Audie (the hardest part) but before anything else we took our first picture or should I say our first morning picture in Baguio! (Happiness is a Warm Bath!!!!)

All is ready to leave Danica decided to come with us we first went to Mc Donalds to eat breakfast, then decided to walk around Session Road, then to Burnham Park and to take the ultimate crash course in "ROWING" Ha! We are all laughing terribly. ( I love that moment! everything is hilarious.) I noticed we really get along with Danica. Next is to PMA, now this is a tough one Droupie and I didint bring our ID's while the other two have it with them and so as the new regulation was implemented we wern't able to come inside. But its ok we still take pictures amidst the problem we have and headed to SM Baguio.

After a long day we all got tired and decided to go home to rest and my bf's mom decided to cook for us so we don't need to eat outside. And so we all slept for about 1 1/2 hours, we ate after we woke up znd decided to go outside again and this time we don't want to take the cab but instead walk wherever we wanted and go home walking. Man! Believe me, its one hell of an adventure we walked almost half of the city without even noticing and enjoyed walking even though we only have slippers and its freezing. We got home at around 1:30 am and the fun hasn't stopped yet... we couldn't get inside because the gate is already locked and its not a good idea to wake up the caretaker just to open the gate to some stupid people who stayed up late. Since Audie is the lightest among the 4 of us, she climbed the gate and her ass was accidentally hurt by the spikes and we were all laughing to death.

to be continued...

To bread or not to bread, what is the question?

2004-11-22T21:16:00.001+08:00

Ano nga ba ang meron sa tinapay?

1. Nakakabusog?
2.Ibat ibang klase pero parang iisa lang ang lasa?
3.Ang kulit ng mga pangalan?
4. Mukhang may flavor pero di mo naman malasahan ung flavor?
5.Ibat ibang hugis pero tinapay pa rin naman?

Haaaayyyy.... tama ba namang magsulat ng tungkol sa tinapay? Pero sa totoo lang may nakita kasi akong tinapay sa Bakery (Julies Bakeshop) and pangalan "monay putok" natatawa ako talaga! As in walang humpay sa kakatawa. Ibig bang sabihin nun may putok yung monay? Sa totoo lang di ako makaahon kakatawa sa panagalan ng tinapay na yun though napakababaw... EWAN!!!!! hehehehe....

For real... magic moments happen...

2004-11-17T23:19:00.000+08:00

This evening I had a wonderful moment! The best 15 seconds ever!!! I never thought something like the mushy things and sweetthings portrayed by the movies do happen. It's like a moment to be treasured.... This is how it happend... My friend cootiehead and I were crossing the street, when we stopped for a while my left foot is stucked in a small hole in where I almost tripped but luckily I was able to hold on to cootiehead when suddenly a guy wearing a blue shirt came rushing to our side. When I was about to lift my head, out of thin air our eyes meet, we gazed into each others eyes like there is something magical happening and then for no reason at all we just smiled and everythinng seems to move fast forward while were stuck with that very scenario. Suddenly we were able to pass on to the other side of the street safely and I lost sight of him. I admit he is freaking cute and I really felt goosebumps not that I'm in love or something its just that its magical and I never felt something like that before (nakakakilig talaga!) Anyway for all I thought most happenings in a romantic movie seems fictional but I'm wrong it does happen and just with a blink of an eye!!!! I just wish everyday is magical.

Adversary: A Poor Vocabulary?

2004-11-17T22:54:00.000+08:00

Today my professor Mr. Dividina taught us some vocabulary and how to pronounce it correctly (mind you its a drama class) with the right stress and everything. He asked, "what is the meaning of adversary?" of course none of us knows the answer except for Droupie a former student of his answered "an opponent sir" then he said for a graduating Mass Comm student you have a poor vocabulary.

Now, there goes the question are we really expected to be masters of such words well in fact we live in a country who speaks of Tagalog as language? We are not Americans definitely to be impeccable english speakers but yes, I understand it is needed today. To hell with the international language! I hate to hear the sound of it anyway, though yeah I'm writing this article in english of course but are we supposed to be expected to be good at all times? Adversary in the first place is not commonly used why not use opponent instead? Simple as that! I have nothing against perfecting the language what I'm after is that do not expect too much though I'm willing to practice more so that I'll avoid hearing his words. Hehehehe... He's a good teacher indeed, dedicated and even strict.

Muchos dueños por Un dueño?

2004-11-16T22:42:00.000+08:00

This afternoon I attended class, honestly this is not a good day after all though at the end of the day my friends and I had a good time eating dinner and talked about Xen's sudden questions. Enough of it.

I never thought such descrimination could happen inside the class. Do we have the right to own school property? Of course the answer is no! Today a classmate of mine walked inside the room and automatically he needs to look for a chair, for the last two meetings someone is already seated in that chair so today when "she" came she said " classmate ako nakaupo dyan" Come on man!!! Kelan mo pa naging pag- aari ang hindi mo pag- aari? Wow!!!! I really feel sorry for that guy because after that he doesn't know where to go and everywhere he go he would ask "may nakaupo na ba dito?" and everyone would say "meron na." Poor thing he just took a disabled seat and prefered to stay at the corner. Deprived? Yes! By all means, no offense but were already in college there is no proper seat arrangement anymore like in my elementary days. Honestly I'm not comfortable in my seat either I'm having a hard time to see what is happening. Man!!! Talk about ownership...

Love, Loving, Lovely!

2004-11-15T21:17:00.000+08:00

Today I have nothing else to do but just rest the whole day, but even though I consider myself to be a big piece of meat waiting for nothing, still my mind never gets tired of thinking about a lot of things. What is it about love that can control everyone? To get this straight I'm not the kind of girl who indulges herself with love I just thought of it as something to be discussed not that I dont love in fact I love a lot of people and I hate to say this "some always mistook it as two timing but its not" besides who would understand it easily? People tend to forget why we should not limit ourselves when it comes to loving, we usually close our hearts thinking that it is enough for only a few people just like closing our doors to strangers. Everyone is fair in love right? Do we have the right to say "you can't love me" to someone who's been dying to love you at all cost? I guess we have just deprived that being with the freedom of savouring the best gift bestowed by the supreme being. Love is never made with a tag price if so who could afford it? Even Bill Gates can't afford it, priceless indeed and it can't be compared to anything else. To think, it has the power to make you happy and even sad without lifting a finger, it can make you crazy and even die for it!

Another, do we really have to try forgetting someone we love who cannot love us in return or can't love us enough? I think not. In the first place can you fight it? straining yourself wont do such a thing to help but instead you're torturing your very own heart of trying to forget a part of your life. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting your unfortunate ending but taking another route in order to find what your looking for, take those memories with you because its precious may it be good or bad. If you loved a person so much then at least take it all with you don't just throw it, see it as something that can never be stolen. I have lots of it and before I have a lot of misfortunes regarding this matter and I tend to forget it; as I grow older I learned that I'm just fooling myself with the fact that they are all part of me and most importantly they are the reason of what I have become. Reminiscing those moments with each and every person I loved (may it be good or bad) makes me smile, consider it done! A thing of a past and yet I have always loved them no matter what (doesn't mean that I still wish to be with them), I have always been loving them for what they are, there is no room for grudges nor in forgetting.

Loving is the act of love, and to love and be loving is LOVELY!

Finally someone to understand me!

2004-11-14T17:47:00.000+08:00

Knowing Audie is really an opportunity! She is definitely one hell of a person you'll definitely trust your life

with. It wouldn't be her if there is no contradictionn within a day! Im really thinking hard how God brought

us to be together and be friends it is really wierd to think that we bumped into each other one day and started to share a lot of things and one is that she has the capacity to understand me. Last night I never thought that a miracle would happen! When it comes to love, she has this very strict principle in which I see myself in her before when love was still a stranger to me. We both have the same principles but now I seem to understand more the capacity of the human heart when it comes to loving. At first of course introducing my beliefs to her doesn't quite inevitable to her. Of course who would believe me that a person can love anyone without any restrictions, in different level and perspective, and even love the person for what he/she really is that doesnt mean that you want them to be your partner (two timing to some but for me its not). She is a woman made of ideas built with steel she is not that easy to break but last night she texted me this... "I realized something that what you've been telling me bout love! that you cant stop them from loving you might be true! God is love. Its powerful & knows no boundaries so they can't limit themselves & yourself from loving.When you told me that you love g****boy but not enough, I now understand it more, your ability to love is not only limited to a man or to L**** or to J** but also to other types of pipol from all walks of life & I cant blame you for loving them of different level & perspective. In other words I understand you and I have to admit makulit lang ako mag isip." I'm glad, finally someone understand me....

Kick back!

2004-11-13T17:40:00.000+08:00

I just talked to some of my friends this afternoon and I asked them one sensible question. "Am I being unfair?" Of course the question is to whom... well, possibly unfair to myself or rather to the relationship I am in now? Both situation triggered me to write this... some say I am close to temptation and gives me the question "do I really let myself get into it?" In a relationship I am in now its is very much possible, long distance that is and in this situation its not easy to look tough on troubled times or simply when you need someone to lean on other than your friends and family. As far as I know women are truly hard to understand and I agree with that! But men never seem to understand women when they needed it the most. I know a lot of men wouldn't agree with me but its true. Sometimes we indulge our partner with all our love and understanding that sometimes they got so used to it that when the time comes you'll ask for their understanding they already forgot why or how they should do it. They even disregard your feelings as long as some reasons are concerned. NOw tell me am I being unfair? One time I've been thinking real hard, am I designed to be too deep to understand? Though knowing myself I know that I'm not, I spit out everything even though I know its will result to be something that cross its way to my beliefs (my oblivious beliefs that is) and yet I feel like people Im talking to seems to misunderstand me. One time I recieved a text message from my friend who is now living in Guam and he already knew what happened to me of course he is worried about me and he wanted to come back here for me. Of course I refused because he said that he's moving to New Jersey and I'm just being considerate and he meant it the other way saying " Oh yeah I forgot the fact that u have someone else in your life so you don't need me." He said he's just kidding but in my heart I know he mean it, why is it hard for some to understand it. Goodness! Am I too deep or are they too shallow?

A taste of death

2004-11-01T14:58:00.000+08:00

October 31st 2004, yes I had my period. Its my first day and so it is expected that I'll experience such menstrual cramps, I always experience excruciating pain andI'll just get luckyif I wont faint! That's right fainting-- this seems to be my biggest problem everytime Im having my period. Yesterday I tasted DEATH and frankly speaking its not that scary, I woke up at around 5pm in the afternoon, just recovered from the pain I got from my menstrual cramps and so my mom came over to my room and we talked a little bit she bought some snack and after I finished it since I started to feel good I decided to go down stairs just to throw the garbage. When I reached the stairs I suddenly feel something, I closed my eyes because I don't want to fall down and the last thing I knew is that I'm already talking to my boyfriend and I said " aalis nako Mahal na Mahal kita" I can't feel anything and I can't hear anything and a minute later I'm walking somewhere when I heard my mom crying out loud! I just fell down the stairs a minute ago, at that very moment I feel nothing and I can't see clearly. I gained conciousness for 3 minutes and thats it. Last thing I could remember is that they were all shouting my brother carried me to the van and my mom is just crying they rushed me to the nearest hospital and I keep on asking what time is it? What day is it? I had a big lump on my head a handful I guess and several bruises in my body, when I reached to the hospital I didnt even understand what they're saying. Man it's my first time in the emergency room!!! Then my mom said they need to transfer me to another hospital for the reason that the hospital lacks equipment I need to undergo CT Scan. And so my father drove all the way to MCU a bigger hospital, again Im in the Emergency room. My father carried me all the way and asked for an ice for my head (both my parents are nervous of course my mom doesn't know what to do even my father) and so they gave me one and asked me to put my head on it, I feel like I'm in a bed of ice. Gladly I can talk better this time but unfortunately I felt all the pain from head to toe and crying tremendously I just keep on whinning about my head who's lump is bigger than an apple. I got my BP, got my bruise cleaned and waited for a few minutes for observation then I was rushed to the X-ray room. Luckily I have no skull fractures so I dont need to undergo CT Scan. Of course the pain isnt over yet I need to undergo some test and believe me it really hurts and then I got two vaccination. After that we headed home I cant stand, I cant eat, I feel pain and most of all I realized that if ever I died in an instant I haven't said goodbye yet or even say thank you. Now that scares me! I haven't said I love you and thank you to my family, I haven't said i love you to my boyfriend yet and how happy I am to be loved by him, I haven't said thank you to my friends yet and how I love to laugh and spend time with them Im glad I still have this second chance, so whoever is reading this right now, say all you wanted to say to your love one's and friends how much you love them every minute of the day because you might not know when it's gonna be...

Right now I just recovered from what happend yesterday, I can sit on my own now I can walk a few steps, I can eat a bit but I cant stand too long I still has this headaches.

Which is which?

2004-10-23T16:20:00.000+08:00

Sino ba ang mas mahalaga, ang taong mahal mo o ang taong gusto mong mahalin?Ang taong kasama mo buong araw o ang taong iniicip mo bago matapos ang araw?Siya bang kasakasama mo sa lhat ng ginagawa mo o siyang dahilan ng lahat ng galaw at ginagawa mo?Sino ba ang mas mhalaga...ung taong nais mong makasama habang buhay o ung taong hindi mo makita ang habang buhay kapag wala siya?Sino ang mas matimbang...ung taong pag kasama mo'y parang kay bilis ng oras o ung taong tuwing iniicp mo'y parang kay bagal ng oras?Ano ang susundin mo...ang dinidikta mo sa puso mo o ang dinidikta ng puso mo syo?Siya ba un laging pumapasok sa isip mo o siya un laging laman ng panaginip mo?Sino nga ba...ang taong nagpaluha syo, o ang taong nagpunas sa minsang pagluha mo?Sino sa kanila...ang taong nagpapatawa syo o ang taong dahilan ng lahat ng iyong emosyon?Sino nga bang pipiliin mo???ANG TAONG MULING NAGBUKAS NG PUSO MO...O ANG TAONG MATAGAL NG NANDOON? Now, now whats the point of choosing if it looks like you have no choice? Does this show any choice of whom to choose? I don't! I just got this on my bulletin board and hey, it looks interesting to debate on. As we all know we have different beliefs when it comes to love and it can never be questioned once you are in love. Considering it to be one of the best things in life and its for free, it is also considered to be the 8th world wonder. Wouldn't you agree with me? Now to answer the question I wanna say this first... "Is our hearts stable enough to decide on who to choose? Remember it is too hard to crack by the intellect? Will there be chances that by choosing the other you would erase the idea of crying over love?" Sometimes we are always clouded of the thinking that we can escape hell by another route. Damn its wrong! Isnt it that the person you love can do all of this, you love him and therefore he is the one residing in your heart. Lets not get confused, common! If you're in love then youre in love, plain and simple! You dont have to think or rather choose if you're in love? You can all do this if you are decided, you dont have to think just like our saviour he doesn't think twice of giving himself because he loves us with all his heart. Does it really show that people are bound for no satisfaction? I hope not....

The Philippines behind every Fil - American achievers

2004-10-16T22:59:00.000+08:00

Well it seems that whenever the country heard of someone abroad is successfull and so happen to be a Filipino all tributes and respect were given to them.An instant star that is and wave its flag head up high as if saying " Hey everyone! This lad here is a Filipino!!! Im very proud of my son!!!" now poor Juan De la Cruz will go gaga over this instant star as if a God to be mobbed in the airport! Come on!! This is silly!!!! The question is, is he proud to be a Filipino? Is he proud to be claimed by this country? Hell no of course!!!!! At least he could say "Im proud to be a Filipino!" that would suffice. Another question did he succeed for the glory of this country? Or rather put it this way... is he recognized as a Filipino citizen? Filipino by race, yes but as a citizen no he is an American! Looks like the Philippines is only a shadow behind every glory. I have nothing against filipino's who prefer to stay abroad, all I wanted to say is that when will we learn? Are we contented of being the "fan" or rather being the "voice who always claim" as what I call it. Im tired of seeing my country men praising those "unripe pinoy's" I'm not saying that its wrong to be proud but think of something for your own country first. They're just here to make money out of us and then what? The glory comes with their mother citizenship isn't it tiring to be claiming for something that can't be yours forever? The problem in this country is that it lacks self esteem and most of all love of country!

Star search on the loose!

2004-10-15T21:39:00.000+08:00

Does it have to be like this? A lot of people dreams of becoming the next super star. Oh my goodness what an earthly dream! Thousands of teenagers take chances of auditioning and as I watch them I can only say " what a life! its pathethic!" arent they thinking that showbizness is small enough to accomodate the whole country? Its crowded! HOw can you have the chance to be noticed? Come on!! Is it the only way to get rich?

the heart is big enough

2004-10-15T14:29:00.000+08:00

Great I'm back! well i just wanna say that our hearts has no capacity.... of course a lot wouldnt agree with me but hey for me its true! You cant say "I cant love you becuase my heart is already full." that is so stupid. Come to think of it we can love as many as we want only that there is a certain level of loving. In my case Im in love with two different guys, bull shit? No. And Im not joking the fact is I really love them both and there goes the saying "sana dalawa ang puso ko." hell no! Our heart is big enough to love the whole world! Im not a two timer as what everybody will tell me but Im not coz never will you ever can judge the work of our hearts. Yes I am in love with two man but I found out I love the other one more. Dont get yourself fooled if ever you came to the point of loving two people instead help yourself know whom you love best! Sometimes even we judge ourselves, concealing the fact that you are loving indifferently. Im happy for those who stay true to themselves even though they know it will cost them a lot.

The best things in life are free!!!!!

2004-06-27T17:15:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I've been to work at magic 89.9's mumbo jumbo back to school concert held at the Robinson's Galleria Trade Hall!! Guess what it's for free!!!!! With guests... my favorite bands... BAMBOO,RIVERMAYA,Velcro, 6 cycle, 9th avenue, MYMP,SANDWICH and Southborder. It's one hell of a party!!! I'm screaming at the top of my lungs because I'm really enjoying it. Rico Blanco is just inches away from me... of course since I'm one of the staff I have the chance to enter backstage anytime I want ahem... not to mention I ask the webmaster (a good friend of mine) to take a picture of me with Bamboo and Rico Blanco!!! It's like OH MY LOrd!!!! Another thing is that we never starved in the concert(at the end of the show we have lots of stuff to bring home, especially Kenny Rogers with side dish) my boss Mr. Francisco hired me and my friends to work as the receptionist for the concert and we'll never get to have a problem with anything, just be there and everything will be alright and you'll get paid as easy as 1,2,3! WOrking has never been this fun!On the other hand I want to apologize to my schoolmates, somehow I should have informed some of my friends to watch it since it's for free and not all the time you get to have a chance like this. I never had so much fun in my entire life!! All the screaming and jumping drinking beer with everyone makes me feel damn GOOD!!!!!!!!

Karma's False Threat

2004-06-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

According to the Hindu's, Karma is something you recieve when you did somehthing good or bad to others and it is ten times in return to you. Strongly believed by people and lived by many. But are we sure that there is Karma? Or is it just a big shadow affecting lives?

In a typical situation of a family like mine I usually hear these lines... "magkakapamilya ka rin and mararanasan mo rin ang ginagawa mo sa aminat mas masakit pa", "noong kabataan namin hindi kami gumagawa ng ganyan sa magulang namin" it was during my rebellous years but I come to think of it, is it really true that there is such a thing as karma?! How come my parents experience such rebellous acts well in fact they are a good son or daughter to their parents? I think we are the one who make our own karma, it's in our hands that's why God gave us free will and it's just a matter of choice and it is just a state of the mind where it is we who tortures ourselves over our wrong deeds or on the other hand rewards ourselves over our good deeds. People often mistook big problems as karma thinking that they did something wrong before and they're paying it with the problems they have, well in fact each and every one of us has problems and it doesn't mean that we are all in karma. God wouldn't give us trials if he knows that we can't solve it on our own. It is all in the perception of an individual, and besides what is the use of subjective moral truths?

Another case is when I fell in love with a guy and it didn't turn out the way I expected it to at first realizing what I did to a guy who is madly in love with me before. It merely killed my hope and injured my heart badly thinking that it is karma for not loving that guy and its my turn to love but not being loved. For a moment I believed the thought but I realized it's just me who is killing myself, after a few months it all turned out the good way because I choose to free myself and did the right thing. Now I'm happy and contented with my relationship with the guy whom I hated and loved so much. It makes me feel tortured and tormented before but after choosing the right decision were now headed to our two years ang three months of courtship and loving each other in a beautiful manner.

Basically karma is just a state of mind and I don't believe in it because I know we are the ones who make it, it's in our hands to change everything and anything that we want to happen.Don't let karma overpower or control our lives.

Independence Day!!!! (I've been to the Red land and Back!!!)

2004-06-06T22:04:00.000+08:00

Independence day is upcoming but of course I have my own Independence day! I just came home from Baguio City and I visited my boyfriend in the military school. Well I'm proud to say I survived alone!!!! I love to travel and I always dreamt of traveling around the world, and this time I traveled alone. For a girl like me whose over protected because I'm the only girl in the family that's why my father called me "isang" which means one and only those who are dear to me calls me in that name. It's not my first time to go there but its my first time to be alone and I didn't expect that it would be freezing this time for its raining hard, I have enough money to be able to spend time there and at the same time be able to spend my last remaining days of vacation with my beloved, I call my experience "survival". I never felt so anxious on how to live alone away from home and I'm proud to say I made it!! I wash my OWN clothes for the first time and I have to buy my own food. Hahahahahaha... on the other hand I make everyone worried especially my mom and my boyfriend. I can't believe my mom allowed me to go all by myself since my father is at vacation and I stopped telling my mom... "ma your daughter is not getting any younger, its time for some changes" Finally this is the start of a new era!I never felt so grown up in my whole life.

Life oh life!!!!

2004-06-01T19:07:00.000+08:00

I'm turning 20 this year and graduation is just at hand. I wonder if I'm gonna be the next big thing, hopefully I can prove those people wrong. I'm not bitter or anything it's just that I don't want other people to underestimate what I can do, it makes me feel bad. Too ambitious? Yes! For all my life only a few believe in me some even treated me as if I'm dumb and I can never forget it. Some teachers from my experience indirectly says that only THOSE who has such achievements will only be the ones who's going to be SUCCESSFUL. After graduation I'm planning to study again and I'm planning to take up WEB DESIGNING or rather be a graphic designer. I already know where I'm going after college I wanted to work in a Public Relation company. I guess this kind of job really gives me satisfaction, besides I learn a lot from it. I'm now an extrovert person and an introvert then!Man! It feels so good to change.

Quite fascinating...

2004-05-31T22:28:00.000+08:00

This is my first time and I think this is great. I just visited lui's page and I find it very amusing so I said to myself well.. why not give it a try. Hopefully I could get more time to post anything. It's more like a journal to me but the difference is anyone has a chance to read it. I'm just an ordinary gal but I want something extraordinary,I know what I want and I want it to happen!!!